Work and Puppies

There was a puppy at work for about 5 minutes today.  It was one of the best things about the whole job this summer. Now, I like my job overall. It's been really cool to be doing real things. It's just unfortunate that doing these real things is so terrifying.

Tomorrow I get to go and make my very first court filing. Hopefully soon we'll be submitting a very big, important visa application for a woman who so deserves one. I shy away from any details of client lives here, because until I 100% understand the exact rules of confidentiality, I'm going with details so vague that if any client stumbled upon this they wouldn't be able to recognize anything as them. But trust me when I say that she is exactly the type of person who these laws are meant to protect.

It still feels so weird to be doing any of these things. Sometimes I'll forget, just get lost in what needs doing. But all it takes is one client meeting or a review of the original file and all it's gnarly details to snap me back. These are very big, very real issues in real peoples lives. And somehow, I'm responsible in some way for making it right. Well, me and a partner and some very wonderful, experienced, clinic supervisors. But I mostly stress about the me part.

I just can't quite fathom that. I still feel like a kid. Like I can barely make my own life work, let alone be trusted with anything regarding someone elses. It's almost too amazing to think that I could do something to facilitate making things right. It's terrifying to think that I could make a mistake, and in a very real way ruin someones life. Now, that probably won't happen, clinic is a great environment set up for student attorneys to learn how to not do that, but still.

Is this reality, real adult life? Starting to realize how much of what you do affects others, how much we all depend in very scary risky ways on other people? I mean, I suppose I always knew that, but I'm starting to see a time when the safety net comes off. I'm intrigued by the idea of finally taking all this education and really doing something. I just wish I could be sure that that doing something would always be good.

Hence why I like the nice, simple puppy.