Shining through

Things have been a bit overcast on the home front lately. The skies have been dominated by the bleak grey that just coats everything in its heavy fog. School and life have been surrounding us, trapping us in brick by brick.

Suddenly taking three classes that require substantive papers instead of finals seems like a stupid choice. Sure, if you spread the research and writing throughout the semester, things can be less crunched towards the end . Otherwise you're faced not with cramming and regurgitating knowledge during a 4 hour test, but endless sleepless nights of research and trying to pull words out of your brain onto the page. I'm not even going to touch on the joys of the continuous job hunt and the status of applications to other programs. I don't have the strength to go there.

Usually when one of us is busy, the other one can step up, take over and keep things running. However, when both of us are straining to get by, the system comes to a screeching halt. As busy as I am, I'm glad I'm not Zach right now. He has his Comp exams for his masters on Friday, and has been burning through 3-4 tomes a day trying to prepare. Oh, plus his big, final research paper. We can't pick up the slack for the other person, when we don't have any ourselves.

It's probably for the best that our power was out for part of the weekend, as the shoebox has definitely seen better days. Even tip toeing over the worst parts isn't sufficient to ignore the crumbs on the carpet. We've become adept at kitchen sink jenga - pulling out the dishes we need to clean and trying to stack the dirty ones onto the mountain without toppling everything. I can kind of pretend that the bathroom is clean, so long as I ignore the white spots peaking through the grime. Any hope of a healthy, home cooked meal has fallen by the wayside. Last night we mustered up the willpower to microwave instant oatmeal. I can't remember the last green thing I ate, other than a very unfortunate and quickly expelled piece of bread.

But, today I woke up to sunny blue, the pink of the blooming cherry blossoms kissing the sky, and things just felt pretty damn good. I sent of an application for a job that looks amazing, I made steps towards applying for a women in politics program that looks great. Things in one of my papers started to look a little clearer. Nothing major, but one step closer to the light of freedom.

I came home with a bit of a twinkle in my eye, a silly spring in my step as I walked in the door and pulled Zach up to dance around to "I am the walrus". We laughed at the state of our fridge, ordered some pizza to sustain us for the next few days, curled up with some cheesy tv. Finally breathing and smiling.

Nothing substantive has really changed. We're still stressed, still busy, still living in a bio-hazard. But I can see the sun, and for the moment that's all that matters.