The Internet Knows Everything About Me, Meh.

I don't really care about my privacy on the internet. At all. And I don't understand those who freak out. Oh no, facebook can take the things that you typed for all to see and tell people! Or today, when living social was doing that great $20 Amazon card for $10, a few people on facebook scoffed at those taking advantage of that deal for not reading the fine print where livingsocial can now sell your soul to the devil. Or do whatever they want with the stuff you told them. Whatever. (I didn't read the fine print)

Please. If I wasn't already giving it away for free, I would totally sell my privacy for $10 on Amazon. Because what no one has been able to show me is how anything that is done with the fairly generic information that I willingly put out into the internet is bad for me.

Now, if the internet could turn on my webcam and broadcast my oh so exciting sexcapades, or as is more likely me sitting in front of the computer  eating jo-jos, that would be bothersome. Or selling my credit card number to the highest bidder, that would also be bad. But telling someone what I bought? Or even what my age and address are? Who cares.

It's not like the stuff is being sold wholesale to the highest bidders on stalkersandserialkillers.com. It's pretty much just being compiled to give to advertisers so they can more specifically target their ads. Not that big of a deal. I'd rather see ads for Zappos than penis enhancement anyways. Besides, this type of data has always been gathered. I spent an entire internship doing regressions of consumer databases to see which company was most useful for campaigns. While it is a little crazy to see how much they can tell about people (diseases, income, party affiliation, donations, pets, favorite vacation spots, and almost everything else) it's not used for anything that nefarious. Just selling things (politicians kind of count as things). And they were going to so that anyways. I don't see how helping them do it slightly better really hurts me. And come on, $10.

Texts

I woke up at 3am last night, when my phone that I forgot to silence and was far to close to my head beeped very loudly as it got a text. Assuming that no one who actually cared about me would text at such an hour, I rolled over and went back to sleep for the next few hours. It wasn't particularly enjoyable after that rude interruption, but I still got up at the normal time and got all nice and ready for the day. Before leaving to catch the bus I had a few minutes to sat down to check e-mail, etc. Which was bittersweet, as the first message was informing me that due to icy roads, morning classes were canceled. Ordinarily a nice thing, an invitation to sleep in and enjoy, but when you're already wide awake and likely to stay that way it just feels mocking.

And that text message, that horrid sleep wreaking text message I didn't check? That was a message giving me early warning about the school closure.

Back to slightly more normal

Whew. It seems silly to say, because not only has school been going on for about a week, and I've been home from the great big vacation for longer than that, but I think I finally feel a little more integrated back into normal life. Last week felt like a horrible dream. What do you mean, I'm expected to actually be doing things and functioning like a responsible adult? Read stuff? Actually turn things in? What kind of nonsense are you talking about. Ah, it was a bitter, unproductive week were I felt very put upon by all the people and things expecting me to actually do stuff. I think I'm ready to just be back to regular levels of laziness. Which still means I don't want to do actual work sometimes, but I recognize that is a problem with me, not the work, and so I actually do stuff.

So far today I have successfully done the reading for one class,  cleaned up the pile of laundry that has been on my desk for weeks, put away dishes, load pictures to facebook, finally got my g-reader down to 100 from way too many (it kind of felt like work). And now I'm writing this. A few more clinic things before bed, and I am so ready to be normal this week.

Tree

We still have our itsy-bitsy Christmas tree up. Even though the lights have died. But, it still makes me happy every time I see it, so it'll probably stay up until it starts inspiring feelings of guilt instead.

My Mess is Lonely

Zach has been really fantastic in the housekeeping department lately. Not that that is new, he's generally been way better than lazy bones me. I walk in every day to find not just the normal stuff, dishes, vacuuming, etc, taken care of, but also some new big thing that we've put off forever. And clutter? Forget it, that's nowhere to be seen.

Except for the part where my my desk and other places that stuff just gathers until I put it where I go look twice as worth when contrasted with a sparkling shoebox. The obvious solution would be to pick up my crap, but right now I'm going with the wistfully hoping just a little of Zach's mess will come back to keep mine company.

Never let a job stand in the way of you time

So, I think I got to go along with my bus driver while she ran errands today. So few people are able to find a good work/life balance, but she didn't let the 20 people riding behind her hinder her from running errands to a random apartment building and a shopping center that houses a Starbucks, a dentist and a liquor store. No guesses as to which of those she went in to. I just know that twice she pulled over, turned off the bus, hopped out for a few minutes, hopped back on and kept driving without a word.

Scheduling

Classes started up again today, and I still have no idea what I'm going to be taking. As in, I've completely changed my schedule twice just today, and depending on how wait listing goes, I may change it all again tomorrow. It's all a weird mix of "oh goodness, this is my last chance to learn anything! what are the most important classes whose absence will haunt me forever" and "meh. last semester. who care. just don't pick anything too hard." So far I'm trying to strike a balance things by branching out and taking classes that are interesting but not family law or gender related, but that will also avoid 9am classes, late nights, and will hopefully give me the dream TWTh class schedule.

I also have no textbooks (what with the ever changing class line up) and am already stressed out by a mile high list of things to do for clinic. Oh what fun. I'd be so excited to be in my last semester of school, ever, if I wasn't so terrified of what was waiting on the other side.

Words Matter

“Are you afraid? Are you fearful today?”

“You know, I’m not. We’ve had hundreds and hundreds of protesters over the course of the last several months. Our office corner has really become an area where the Tea Party movement congregates. And the rhetoric is incredibly heated. Not just the calls, but the emails, the slurs. So things have really gotten spun up. But you gotta think about it. Our democracy is a light, a beacon really around the world, because we effect change at the ballot box, and not because of these outbursts — of violence in certain cases, and the yelling, and it’s just … you know, change is important, it’s a part of our process, but it’s really important that we focus on the fact that we have a democratic process.”

“I think it’s important for all leaders, not just leaders of the Republican Party or the Democratic Party … community leaders, figures in our community to say, ‘Look, we can’t stand for this.’ I mean, this is a situation where people really need to realize that the rhetoric, and firing people up, and even things … For example, we’re on Sarah Palin’s targeted list, but the thing is, the way she has it depicted has the crosshairs of a gunsight over our district. And when people do that, they’ve gotta realize there’s consequences to that action.”

“In the years that some of my colleagues have served, twenty, thirty years, they’ve never seen it like this. We have to work out our problems by negotiating, working together, hopefully Democrats and Republicans.”

–Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, March 25, 2010.

The shooting of Rep. Giffords and the murder of at least 5 others today is a tragedy. And it is my opinion that it is a tragedy that got it's start in the way we speak. I don't seriously think that Sarah Palin or any other politician who used violent imagery and metaphors seriously intends or desires anyone to actually act violently. The vast, vast majority of people from any political persuasion get understandably angry over things that matter to them, but not to the point of violence. That's normal. Not everyone is normal. And when we talk in ways that make other people seem like an enemy that needs to be targeted and destroyed, not a person whose ideas you disagree with, and that dehumanization is coupled with metaphors of war, violence and murder, I think that creates an environment that incites and in some ways even supports violent acts by the small minority of people who are not normal or rational. I think how we talk to and about one another can make a difference in how we treat each other. It's usually in small ways, but today it was a very big way. Words matter.

3/4

I am apparently incapable of finishing up my vacation posts. I have a post set out, pictures included and all for each day of the glorious trip. They're all about 3/4 of the way written, because instead of just writing one at a time and posting it, I apparently prefer to hope around and finish nothing. Oh well. Here's a pretty picture until I can get my act together.

My little hobgoblin

Sometimes I think of my seizures as being a 3rd party. It's not a chronic condition, or even a real part of my body, it's this mischievous little elf that likes to hang around me and cause mischief. Sort of a green and purple character, with a silly hat and eyes just to the mischievous side of devious.

If I have a seizure at a bad time, well it's just that little critter being a pain again. A good time, is an act of mercy, because bad as he can be, we're somewhat close and he doesn't really want things to be bad for me, he just has to do this, it's his nature. If I go for a period of being good for longer than I expect, I start to wonder what kind of trouble he's planning for the future.

I don't know why it's comforting to think of seizures as an outside entity, but it is. It's not me, not my body betraying me, its something else. It gives them a certain reason or pattern, instead of just being something random. Like this week, which has been particularly bad. It feels like I'm just getting all my seizures out of the way for the new semester. Which can't possibly be true, but it makes me feel better, like they serve some kind of a purpose and are almost an act of mercy from my little companion who is not a friend but I'm still stuck with.

Practice Makes Perfect

For the past few months Spider Solitaire - advanced level has been my go to play around with while I'm waiting for a page to load or just want to do something incredibly mindless thing. Part of what made it fun and not so serious was that I was somewhat sure that it was an impossible game to win unless you got dealt a perfect hand. Thus, it was absolutely pressure free, just me moving cards around and seeing how long I could go before losing.

And then I won. Surely a fluke. Until I won again a few weeks latter. And then again. And now I've won twice today, for a grand total of 6 wins (out of about 500 games). I think my hours and hours of practice may have actually made me good at this mindless game. Practice may actually have some bearing on success.

Sometimes I wonder how amazing of a lawyer I could be if I spent as much time studying as I did moving around imaginary cards on a screen.

My 2011 Stuff to Hopefully Get Better On

I don't really care for New Years goals or resolutions. I don't like setting myself up for failure. But, it's just such a natural time to take a look around and see what you want to be different next year, that I do want to do a little bit of reflection and improvement assisted by kind of sort of goals. For me, its more of a way to take all the things I want to do or think I should do, and turn that into a much more manageable list of a few things to focus on more than others. If I don't make it 100%, oh well, so long as I get a little better I'll call it a win. That said, here's what I'll be working towards in 2011.

• Getting into better spending habits. It seems silly to think of grad school as a time when we were flush with cash, but somehow knowing that 10k was going to magically show up in my bank account twice a year has gotten me to be a little to free with cash flow. I get my last big deposit this month, and that's it until we get jobs. Ergo, why this is a very important goal. 
• Get a job. Or at least try very, very hard. Kind of an obvious one, but I hate job hunting and this economy is going to make it quite the hunt, so I really need to be focused.
• Study for the bar. (Note, I didn't say pass. I want to pass, I do, that's the whole point of studying. I just feel like I can control how well I study much better than I can control passing.)
• Eat better/Maybe exercise every now and again. This is kind of perpetual for most people. Still, it would be good to just be sure to eat one serving of veggies a day, and maybe exercise once or twice a week. Totally small, totally doable, and the nice thing is even if I don't do it consistently, every little bit matters. Plus, I can't help but think this could really help to give me another totally different thing to work on while studying. And maybe all those studies about more attractive people being better employed are true, better safe than sorry.
• Make the bed most mornings. I'm actually pretty good at this, and especially in this small space it makes a huge difference. But I also know that if I miss just one day, the whole thing dies and takes so much more effort to get started again.

Nothing amazing, or even that un-cliched. But even though I'm not calling it one, it's a New Years Resolutions list, what do you expect?