Zach was deathly ill for part of the weekend. Neither of us is generally the healthiest person ever, but this was different. Watching him, and knowing that all I could really do was little things like get medicine and applesauce, little things that can help him be slightly more comfortable, but won't really fix whats really wrong. Being so helpless and worried isn't the funnest thing ever. Really, I was a little scared - silly, but true. Of course things were considerably worse for Zach, what with being the actual sick person and all - but I'm the one writing so this is about me me me.
It's more than a little disconcerting to think that yes, eventually one of us will probably die. Personally I hope I go first. I just don't want to ever have to deal with any of that. Plus, I've made Zach promise that he can't remarry unless I specifically appear to him and give him permission - messages spelled out in alphabits or other such ambiguos signs don't count. No way am I meeting him and Mrs. Number 2 who i do not approve of in heaven and having him say "But I thought you told me it was ok through this random occurance that could be just a coincidece and coudl mean anything!" It's me appearing or nothing. I'm selfish like that. (Ok, I would want him to be happy and if he meets someone who makes him happy, I suppose I could deal. I'd just rather he was happy with just me.)
Of course in my ideal scenario we live nice, happy healthy lives together. We have kids together and work together and have adventures together, and then have a happy semi-retirement where we enjoy doing whatever we want and just generally being awesome. Maybe we travel teh world or start some foundation that helps educate blind girls in Uzbechistan or something. And then in our late eighties or so, one of us just sort of slips away in their sleep, and the other follows close behind. One of those adorable old couple things.
But what if it doesn't work like that? Zach could be hit by a car in the next five minutes. Which actually wouldn't be that surprising - the man darts into streets with very clear red lights all the time. It's terrifying. I usually follow him when he engages in such reckless behavior when we're together specifically in the hopes that I'll be hit to, so we won't have to deal with this. But that's hardly the only possibility. There could be some horrible flesh eating disease. Or our stove could fatally explode. Or the roof could cave in. Or a million other things. (apparently I'm more than a little unsure about the quality and safety of our apartment)
I just can't imagine what I would do if something were to happen. How do people handle that? How do you find out? How do you tell people? How do you even begin planning for, paying for a funeral, especially so far from either of our homes? What about when its done? How do you keep living, just pretending to have a normal life again? Do you forget? Do you even want to? What do you do? I don't know, and frankly I never want to.
None of this is terribly likely of course. I'm still counting on nice long lives for both of us, growing old together. But every now and again the "what ifs' seem a little to close for comfort.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Mr. Rogers is one of the best people ever
I learned something earlier in my Public Law class that made this whole law school thing completely worth it.
How great is that?
First of all (and the reason it was used in class) that is such a perfect example of effective lobbying. It tugs on the heartstrings in just the right way, and has good rational reasons to boot! Genius. Absolutely sincere, but genius none the less.
But much more important (which isn't hard to do, the lawyery point of view is rarely all that important) is that Mr. Rogers is just one of the best people. Ever.
Think about it. The guy dedicates his life to a not terribly well paying or easy job because he thinks its important, plus he's willing to go stand up for it. He talks to kids, really talks to them about the simple, ordinary things of life. He spoke plainly, not condescendingly - the kids point of view was real and valid to him. I remember him teaching me not to be afraid of being sucked down the bathtub - a silly fear, but a real one for me. He got that. He found the simple joy in things. And best of all he found the joy and specialness of everyone, whether he knew them or not. When Mr. Rogers would talk about how special and unique we all are, how "its you i like," I think he really meant it. Mr. Rogers was never the funnest or flashiest or even probably my favorite kids show growing up, but it definitely brings a smile to my face even now. We're all a little better for this guy.
Bottom line: we could all use a little more Mr. Rogers type stuff in our life.
How great is that?
First of all (and the reason it was used in class) that is such a perfect example of effective lobbying. It tugs on the heartstrings in just the right way, and has good rational reasons to boot! Genius. Absolutely sincere, but genius none the less.
But much more important (which isn't hard to do, the lawyery point of view is rarely all that important) is that Mr. Rogers is just one of the best people. Ever.
Think about it. The guy dedicates his life to a not terribly well paying or easy job because he thinks its important, plus he's willing to go stand up for it. He talks to kids, really talks to them about the simple, ordinary things of life. He spoke plainly, not condescendingly - the kids point of view was real and valid to him. I remember him teaching me not to be afraid of being sucked down the bathtub - a silly fear, but a real one for me. He got that. He found the simple joy in things. And best of all he found the joy and specialness of everyone, whether he knew them or not. When Mr. Rogers would talk about how special and unique we all are, how "its you i like," I think he really meant it. Mr. Rogers was never the funnest or flashiest or even probably my favorite kids show growing up, but it definitely brings a smile to my face even now. We're all a little better for this guy.
Bottom line: we could all use a little more Mr. Rogers type stuff in our life.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Dinner Time Quandry
I expected marriage to be hard in many ways, but I wasn't really expecting the dinner time quandary. Unlike my single days where I could just throw the meal of my choice into the microwave at my convenience, I now find that eating with Zach is one of those nice, sweet coupely things to do Plus he's a better cook than me, so if we eat together I generally only have to do minimal work. Who says there's no such thing as a free meal? However, while eating together is a definite yes, figuring out what to eat is considerably harder. Every night Zach and I rediscover that while we're compatible in many ways, food isn't necessarily one of them.
You see, I love good food. And of course I mean food that is oozing with flavor - which usually means that its covered in butter or deep fried or accompanied by copious amounts of bacon. I'm a fan of the sugar and fat filled. I'm a double bacon cheeseburger, buffalo wings, french fries ,meat lovers pizza, juicy steak kind of girl. You get the idea.
Zach, on the other hand, prefers to eat foods that won't kill him. This may explain why we are eight inches apart in height, but Zach's probably only 10-20lbs heavier.
Our general business (laziness) and lack of preparation doesn't really help. Anything we eat generally needs to take only half an hour to make and must assembleable from the 10 ingredients we usually have on hand.
We do have a few things that we both enjoy and can make with minimal effort. This is pretty much all we eat: Pasta, Beans and Rice, some form of potatoes and chicken, potatoes with sausage and onion, Italian melts, dutch babies and homemade pizza. Occasionally we go crazy and make a lasagna, roast, lomo saltado or Thai food. By occasionally I mean this happens once every 2-3 months. I think its safe to say that we're in a bit of a rut.
And so, we've started to actually make dinner less and less frequently. one night we just had caramel corn for a meal. I consider this week to be an excellent cooking accomplishment because we cooked a real meal twice.
I think maybe I should try and stave off a death via lack of real food. I'm going to try to actually start contributing in the kitchen, maybe get really ambitious and find a few things to add to our rotation. Its a scary task, but I think its become necessary. Wish me luck!
You see, I love good food. And of course I mean food that is oozing with flavor - which usually means that its covered in butter or deep fried or accompanied by copious amounts of bacon. I'm a fan of the sugar and fat filled. I'm a double bacon cheeseburger, buffalo wings, french fries ,meat lovers pizza, juicy steak kind of girl. You get the idea.
Zach, on the other hand, prefers to eat foods that won't kill him. This may explain why we are eight inches apart in height, but Zach's probably only 10-20lbs heavier.
Our general business (laziness) and lack of preparation doesn't really help. Anything we eat generally needs to take only half an hour to make and must assembleable from the 10 ingredients we usually have on hand.
We do have a few things that we both enjoy and can make with minimal effort. This is pretty much all we eat: Pasta, Beans and Rice, some form of potatoes and chicken, potatoes with sausage and onion, Italian melts, dutch babies and homemade pizza. Occasionally we go crazy and make a lasagna, roast, lomo saltado or Thai food. By occasionally I mean this happens once every 2-3 months. I think its safe to say that we're in a bit of a rut.
And so, we've started to actually make dinner less and less frequently. one night we just had caramel corn for a meal. I consider this week to be an excellent cooking accomplishment because we cooked a real meal twice.
I think maybe I should try and stave off a death via lack of real food. I'm going to try to actually start contributing in the kitchen, maybe get really ambitious and find a few things to add to our rotation. Its a scary task, but I think its become necessary. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Vey Bad Idea
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror this evening and became increasingly annoyed with how scraggly and splitendy my lovely, long hair had become. So I grabbed a pair of scissors without really thinking and cut. my. hair. My hair. My long, grown out, fun hair that I've just figured out how to style all nice like.
Because how hard could just a little trim be? Zach trims his hair all the time, its nice and easy (never mind that his trimmers have nice little guards to keep everything even.) It was only supposed to be an inch...maybe two. Yah, not so much.
Try four to five inches. It was a hair massacre. It went reasonably well at first, but all it took was one little misjudgement leading to one accidentally huge hack and all was lost.
I had Zach even it out, as I did a really crappy job. Why I didn't think to ask him to take just a little off, I'll never know. I suppose the not thinking had something to do with it. It looks...ok. Maybe. If you squint. Its not layered or charmingly styled. Its just kind of there, this flat thing slumping a little under my shoulders. (Ok, its bad enough to make me cry a little. I just miss my hair.)
It's not necessarily all bad. (or so I'm trying to convince myself) It did desperately need a trim, and I'm sure I'll get used to it and hair grows and blah blah blah. I just want my hair back, now please. I promise if you come back right away, I'll take good care of you. Nice conditioners and other fancy things. I'll even do what I'm supposed to and plunk down the cash when you need a little taken off. Please? Pretty Please?
(Maybe I'll post a picture latter when I'm less upset. Right now I seem incapable of taking one in which I don't look like a disgruntled Yeti or a mangled poodle.)
Because how hard could just a little trim be? Zach trims his hair all the time, its nice and easy (never mind that his trimmers have nice little guards to keep everything even.) It was only supposed to be an inch...maybe two. Yah, not so much.
Try four to five inches. It was a hair massacre. It went reasonably well at first, but all it took was one little misjudgement leading to one accidentally huge hack and all was lost.
I had Zach even it out, as I did a really crappy job. Why I didn't think to ask him to take just a little off, I'll never know. I suppose the not thinking had something to do with it. It looks...ok. Maybe. If you squint. Its not layered or charmingly styled. Its just kind of there, this flat thing slumping a little under my shoulders. (Ok, its bad enough to make me cry a little. I just miss my hair.)
It's not necessarily all bad. (or so I'm trying to convince myself) It did desperately need a trim, and I'm sure I'll get used to it and hair grows and blah blah blah. I just want my hair back, now please. I promise if you come back right away, I'll take good care of you. Nice conditioners and other fancy things. I'll even do what I'm supposed to and plunk down the cash when you need a little taken off. Please? Pretty Please?
(Maybe I'll post a picture latter when I'm less upset. Right now I seem incapable of taking one in which I don't look like a disgruntled Yeti or a mangled poodle.)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
6 months!
Last night I came home a little after 8pm, tired from a long day of academic drudgery. I walked through the door and door and was greeted by this...
Candles everywhere, lovely roses in lovely vases throughout, a perfect homemade dinner and best of all a suited up Zach. He even rearranged the furniture so we could have a sweet, romantic dinner looking at each other. It was perfect.
Oh and the fish? Wow. First of all, it was sentimental fish. When Zach and I were on our honeymoon at cannon beach we splurged on a delicious meal at the wayfarer inn. I had some decent prawns, while Zach ordered this halibut in cream sauce that was sent from heaven above. I had one bite, just to have a taste. which lead to one more, and various longing looks in the direction of the fish until Zach gave in. I ended up eating almost all of it, thus beginning the longstanding tradition of me stealing Zach's food (he's since learned to usually make more food than he actually wants as a precaution.)
While, Zach searched high and low on the internets for a similar recipe and while it wasn't an exact replica, it was still amazingly good. I'm also amazed at how much work it took to bring it all together - running around DC without a car is time consuming and a more than a little tedious, not to mention cleaning and setting up the apartment so perfectly.
I can't tell you how nice and special it is to come home to such a perfect surprise, to get a little fancilly dressed up, have a tasty and meaningful meal and just spend some good sweet time with your sweetheart. Most of all to know that you matter enough to someone else for them to do all that.
All in all it was a perfectly lovely evening. I'm lucky to have him.
Candles everywhere, lovely roses in lovely vases throughout, a perfect homemade dinner and best of all a suited up Zach. He even rearranged the furniture so we could have a sweet, romantic dinner looking at each other. It was perfect.
Oh and the fish? Wow. First of all, it was sentimental fish. When Zach and I were on our honeymoon at cannon beach we splurged on a delicious meal at the wayfarer inn. I had some decent prawns, while Zach ordered this halibut in cream sauce that was sent from heaven above. I had one bite, just to have a taste. which lead to one more, and various longing looks in the direction of the fish until Zach gave in. I ended up eating almost all of it, thus beginning the longstanding tradition of me stealing Zach's food (he's since learned to usually make more food than he actually wants as a precaution.)
While, Zach searched high and low on the internets for a similar recipe and while it wasn't an exact replica, it was still amazingly good. I'm also amazed at how much work it took to bring it all together - running around DC without a car is time consuming and a more than a little tedious, not to mention cleaning and setting up the apartment so perfectly.
I can't tell you how nice and special it is to come home to such a perfect surprise, to get a little fancilly dressed up, have a tasty and meaningful meal and just spend some good sweet time with your sweetheart. Most of all to know that you matter enough to someone else for them to do all that.
All in all it was a perfectly lovely evening. I'm lucky to have him.
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Bright Side of Life
I'm not really the best at being an upbeat, always look at the bright side of life, kind of girl. And while I do like to think of my sardonic complaints as my way of whistling in the dark, every now and again it does one good to remember the little joys in life. And so, may I present a small sampling of everyday things that make me smile.
Red Toes
Zach's Beard
I suppose I'm also fond of the rest of him. But he grew it for me (or at least because he was tired of me looking at him weird when he shaved the beard 1.0 off) so the beard is extra special to me. It's also fuzzy and fun to play with.
Mia the Orchid - she's just so pretty and alive! Also, one of the better pictures I took.
Little IKEA catch all dishes - All the little thingies on my desk have a home now. No longer do I have to search all over for all the little things that have a special gift for being in the most obscure places. Bless your heart little sanity savers.
Fresh, Organic Delicious Blueberries
Always having a good supply of good chocolate on hand (IKEA chocolate is surprisingly high quality)
This whole marriage thing - Six months to the dot, and still very much worth it. Best decision ever (plus I'll take any excuse to post more gorgeous wedding pictures)
Speaking of which, the various wedding pictures throughout our apartement tend to make me smile.
Hot sauce
I use this on almost everything. In the almost six months Zach and I've been married I've gone through 4 of these.
TV on the internet and DVD - I probably spend more time on this then I should, but its nice to get caught up in a story every now and again. Plus its a nice way for Zach and I to unwind together.
The Pitcher - I just think its pretty, plus its nice to always have cold water at hand
That's all for now - I'm surprised how fun it was to wander around the apartment with my camera finding various little things that make me happy. It's a nice thing to focus on for a little while.
Red Toes
Zach's Beard
I suppose I'm also fond of the rest of him. But he grew it for me (or at least because he was tired of me looking at him weird when he shaved the beard 1.0 off) so the beard is extra special to me. It's also fuzzy and fun to play with.
Mia the Orchid - she's just so pretty and alive! Also, one of the better pictures I took.
Little IKEA catch all dishes - All the little thingies on my desk have a home now. No longer do I have to search all over for all the little things that have a special gift for being in the most obscure places. Bless your heart little sanity savers.
Fresh, Organic Delicious Blueberries
Always having a good supply of good chocolate on hand (IKEA chocolate is surprisingly high quality)
This whole marriage thing - Six months to the dot, and still very much worth it. Best decision ever (plus I'll take any excuse to post more gorgeous wedding pictures)
Speaking of which, the various wedding pictures throughout our apartement tend to make me smile.
Hot sauce
I use this on almost everything. In the almost six months Zach and I've been married I've gone through 4 of these.
TV on the internet and DVD - I probably spend more time on this then I should, but its nice to get caught up in a story every now and again. Plus its a nice way for Zach and I to unwind together.
The Pitcher - I just think its pretty, plus its nice to always have cold water at hand
That's all for now - I'm surprised how fun it was to wander around the apartment with my camera finding various little things that make me happy. It's a nice thing to focus on for a little while.
Note to self
Dear self,
When the professor is describing murders in criminal law, saying "That's a good idea" out loud is a very bad idea. People will give you odd looks, and you'll deserve them. No matter how good of an idea it was.
Sincerely,
me
When the professor is describing murders in criminal law, saying "That's a good idea" out loud is a very bad idea. People will give you odd looks, and you'll deserve them. No matter how good of an idea it was.
Sincerely,
me
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Wishes and a Wall
I have no style. None, nada, zilch. I try, I really do. I've been ooing and ahhing over beutiful hoem since my first Street of Dreams at the age of 7. I read design blogs like apartment therapy compulsively, I even blog stalk strangers in the hopes that I'll see another picture of their perfect home. I keep hoping that I'll learn something from all this - that someday I will awake full of creativity and the ability to create beauty out of a . So far it hasn't gone quite like that.
Which leads me to this wall.
What on earth am I supposed to do with this wall? Its a big old blank focal point. I am fond of the clock, but its so sad and alone. It needs friends. Cheap friends. Oh and Zach should probably like whatever ends up there too. It's quiet a conundrum. (Ideas more than welcome)
Our whole apartment is a conundrum. I want it to be a beautiful, comfortable refuge from the world, but I have no idea how to do it. And our apartment really doesn't help.
See this?
Yup, that and the aforementioned wall is all I have to work with. Well and a closet kitchen and a bathroom, but they don't really count. I have added another bookcase behind the blue chair, a few fun throw pillows and a nice blue duvet cover for the bed since then - as well as all of our IKEA spoils. They've helped - a little. But with as much stuff as we have in such a small space its hard to make things look nice.
Now, I don't entirely hate our apartment. I've grown somewhat accustomed to it - indeed I am rather fond of some small elements. The pictures we hung are very nice, and I kind of like our little sitting nook. But lets face it, our apartment is a tiny one room box that is overflowing with random things that we are very grateful to have, but it in no way resembles a stylish, put together home. There really is only so much that we can do when we need to fit everything we need into one room and are trying to not end up in more debt for our educational endeavors than in absolutely necessary. In an ideal world Zach and I will be able to find a slightly bigger apartment, perhaps even one with actual rooms, and move over the summer. And then my imaginary great uncle Alfred would die a peaceful death and leave his fortune to me because he likes my spunky spirit or something. And then I would hire a decorator. Or possibly become batgirl in a crappy batman movie that has mosly been erased from the public consciousness by Christian Bale. Anyways...
The best thing to do in this scenario (my actual scenario, not Uncle Alfred) would be to learn the value of gratitude. I should end this post with an inspirational tale about watching a documentary about refugees and how I learned how much I really have been blessed with. Or a cool scripture about the fleetingness of physical things. At the very least some sweet thought about how Zach and I will surely look back at our first apartment with a lovely longing for simpler times. But you guys, gratitude is hard. I'm working on it, I really am. But mostly I want to live in a lovely, just the right size, old restored craftsman home with built in bookcases, lovely woodwork and inviting yet stylish decor. Or at least a dishwasher. I could settle for a home with a dishwasher.
Which leads me to this wall.
What on earth am I supposed to do with this wall? Its a big old blank focal point. I am fond of the clock, but its so sad and alone. It needs friends. Cheap friends. Oh and Zach should probably like whatever ends up there too. It's quiet a conundrum. (Ideas more than welcome)
Our whole apartment is a conundrum. I want it to be a beautiful, comfortable refuge from the world, but I have no idea how to do it. And our apartment really doesn't help.
See this?
Yup, that and the aforementioned wall is all I have to work with. Well and a closet kitchen and a bathroom, but they don't really count. I have added another bookcase behind the blue chair, a few fun throw pillows and a nice blue duvet cover for the bed since then - as well as all of our IKEA spoils. They've helped - a little. But with as much stuff as we have in such a small space its hard to make things look nice.
Now, I don't entirely hate our apartment. I've grown somewhat accustomed to it - indeed I am rather fond of some small elements. The pictures we hung are very nice, and I kind of like our little sitting nook. But lets face it, our apartment is a tiny one room box that is overflowing with random things that we are very grateful to have, but it in no way resembles a stylish, put together home. There really is only so much that we can do when we need to fit everything we need into one room and are trying to not end up in more debt for our educational endeavors than in absolutely necessary. In an ideal world Zach and I will be able to find a slightly bigger apartment, perhaps even one with actual rooms, and move over the summer. And then my imaginary great uncle Alfred would die a peaceful death and leave his fortune to me because he likes my spunky spirit or something. And then I would hire a decorator. Or possibly become batgirl in a crappy batman movie that has mosly been erased from the public consciousness by Christian Bale. Anyways...
The best thing to do in this scenario (my actual scenario, not Uncle Alfred) would be to learn the value of gratitude. I should end this post with an inspirational tale about watching a documentary about refugees and how I learned how much I really have been blessed with. Or a cool scripture about the fleetingness of physical things. At the very least some sweet thought about how Zach and I will surely look back at our first apartment with a lovely longing for simpler times. But you guys, gratitude is hard. I'm working on it, I really am. But mostly I want to live in a lovely, just the right size, old restored craftsman home with built in bookcases, lovely woodwork and inviting yet stylish decor. Or at least a dishwasher. I could settle for a home with a dishwasher.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Nice Guys
So y'all know that 25 things about me meme that has spread like an infectious disease all over facebook. Well, one of my guy friends posted it, and one of his items mentioned how much he hates being referred to as a nice guy. This lead to a few comments from some girls about how much they like nice guys, that he shouldn't take it as an insult. I've long been very opinionated about the whole "nice guy" thing so I threw in a brief comment. I think that the concept of 'nice guys" tends to be really misused and misunderstood. Girls like guys who are nice, but they often use the phrase "nice guys" as a way to describe guys that they just aren't interested in. Guys hear this and think they're being rejected for being nice. Let me elaborate.
What Girls Mean
Look, most girls are fairly nice people. We don't want to say mean things about people. Which is why when girls usually describe someone as a nice guy they say "he's such a nice guy, but..." . The important thing about this guy they're describing is not that he's a "nice guy". If a guy is really funny, or smart, or spiritual or sweet or has some other more interesting, specific characteristic then they'll describe him using that. When the best thing you can say about someone is that they're not mean, then that guy probably have a lot about them that interests the girl. Saying a guy is a "nice guy" is just a girl's nice way of saying she isn't interested in him, but he's not a jerk.
Alternatively, and probably more importantly, girls will often try and assure a guy that he's really a "nice guy" when they're rejecting him. They aren't letting him go because he's nice. For whatever reason they're just not interested. But they don't want to be mean, so in saying he's a "nice guy" they're just trying to communicate that he's a perfectly good guy, just not for them.
It's not that girls don't like guys who are nice. Almost every girl I know wants a guy who treats them well, a guy who is, well, nice. They just want to also be interested in him - for him to have more going on than treating people with basic decency. And if they are then they'll describe him as something more specific than just being nice.
What Guys Mean
Most of the time when I hear a guy talk about the nice guy thing it's because he's not having good luck in the dating department and blames all his woes on being a "nice guy". He sees himself a guy who does everything right and still gets rejected while guys who he doesn't see as. I have two things to say to this imaginary guy:
1) Look, no one rejects you because you're just too nice. I know all the girls say "You're such a nice guy!" and then make it clear that they're not interested. It makes sense to put the two together. They're just not interested in you and are trying to be nice.
2) This doesn't apply to all guys who have grown to hate being called nice guys - but I've known quite a few who feel that because they're doing everything they think they're supposed to that somehow they are entitled to a girl. Often not just any girl, but the hot girl that everyone wants. And so when they get rejected they get bitter at not getting what they think they deserve as nice guys. Being a good guy should be a prerequisite to a relationship - never an entitlement.
I think I'm sounding kind of harsh right now, maybe like I'm calling all nice guys boring or bitter or something. Let me try again. Interest between two people is like a chemical reaction. You put two of the right chemicals together and theres an explosion. Put those same chemicals with something else and nothing will happen. There's nothing wrong with the chemicals, they just react differently with different things. The boring, "nice guy" for one girl can make the right girl see fireworks. The facebook guy who hates being called nice probably has a reason for feeling that way - but I know plenty of girls that had a big thing for him back in the day (including me). Oh, and I don't think he's one of the bitter, entitled feeling guys.
My personal example
My Sophomore year of college I went on a few dates with a guy named Brian. Brian was a sweet guy. Very easy to be around, cooked some great Italian food, and we even had some really nice conversations. But there was no way on earth that I could have ever kissed Brian. He was perfectly attractive. Nothing wrong with Brian, there were just no sparks for me. I did the typical girl thing and tried to use hints to let him down easy, but of course it didn't work. I know, hints never work. But anyways I ultimately . So I took the easy way out and uttered the dreaded words "You're a nice guy, but I'm just not interested." I was just trying to say that he was fine, there just weren't any sparks.
I don't think that's what he heard - in fact based on some of his subsequent facebook status updates I'm pretty sure that he took it another time a good guy was rejected for being too nice. I really did like that he was nice to me, he really was nice to be around. Just no sparks.
A Side Note
I probably should I acknowledge that there is definitely something way sexy about the so-called bad guys. My earliest fictional crush was the teasing Cajun thief Gambit from the X-men Saturday morning cartoons. From there I grew to swoon over the scoundrel Han Solo, Lost's sexy con-artist Sawyer, Buffy's evil yet tenderhearted vampire Spike and oh so many others. I definitely have a bad boy thing.
So what's so great about the bad boys? Well they tend to be confident and exciting. The ideal bad boy is tough on the outside, but once they meet the right woman are all dedicated and loving. They tease, they're fun and challenging. They seem like a lot of fun to have hot, steamy sex with. But lets not forget the drama that always comes with them. It's not healthy, it doesn't make you happy, but its quite exciting.
Zach's not a bad boy, but he's no "nice guy" either. One of the main reasons why I married Zach was because he challenges me. If he thinks I'm full of crap he'll call me on it. We tease each other. It's fun, it's exciting. But he's missing one of the biggest "bad boy qualities": drama. We actually have a functional relationship with talking and everything. He treats me great, way better than any imaginary or real bad boy would. I'm still attracted to the bad boy types, and Zach often makes fun of me when we watch certain shows or movies. But I wouldn't want to be married to them, and I think most girls would agree.
So I suppose there are some girls that go for the flashy, exciting bad boys. But I don't think that this is the majority of what happens. Like I said earlier, bad boys are fun to fantasize about, but most girls really want to be with a guy who makes them happy - a good guy whose nice. They just also want a little excitement and interest and sex appeal. Most guys are exciting and interesting and sexy to several girls, just not all. And not always the ones they want.
The Bottom Line
Girls probably should stop describing guys as "nice guys." It's just never going to come out right. Guys probably should learn that they aren't rejected for they're niceness, for whatever reason that specific girl just isn't interested. Someone else definitely will be.
This is obviously just my opinion. But I'm pretty sure I'm right - at least assuming that what I said made any sense and wasn't too crazy repetitive. Thoughts? Comments?
What Girls Mean
Look, most girls are fairly nice people. We don't want to say mean things about people. Which is why when girls usually describe someone as a nice guy they say "he's such a nice guy, but..." . The important thing about this guy they're describing is not that he's a "nice guy". If a guy is really funny, or smart, or spiritual or sweet or has some other more interesting, specific characteristic then they'll describe him using that. When the best thing you can say about someone is that they're not mean, then that guy probably have a lot about them that interests the girl. Saying a guy is a "nice guy" is just a girl's nice way of saying she isn't interested in him, but he's not a jerk.
Alternatively, and probably more importantly, girls will often try and assure a guy that he's really a "nice guy" when they're rejecting him. They aren't letting him go because he's nice. For whatever reason they're just not interested. But they don't want to be mean, so in saying he's a "nice guy" they're just trying to communicate that he's a perfectly good guy, just not for them.
It's not that girls don't like guys who are nice. Almost every girl I know wants a guy who treats them well, a guy who is, well, nice. They just want to also be interested in him - for him to have more going on than treating people with basic decency. And if they are then they'll describe him as something more specific than just being nice.
What Guys Mean
Most of the time when I hear a guy talk about the nice guy thing it's because he's not having good luck in the dating department and blames all his woes on being a "nice guy". He sees himself a guy who does everything right and still gets rejected while guys who he doesn't see as. I have two things to say to this imaginary guy:
1) Look, no one rejects you because you're just too nice. I know all the girls say "You're such a nice guy!" and then make it clear that they're not interested. It makes sense to put the two together. They're just not interested in you and are trying to be nice.
2) This doesn't apply to all guys who have grown to hate being called nice guys - but I've known quite a few who feel that because they're doing everything they think they're supposed to that somehow they are entitled to a girl. Often not just any girl, but the hot girl that everyone wants. And so when they get rejected they get bitter at not getting what they think they deserve as nice guys. Being a good guy should be a prerequisite to a relationship - never an entitlement.
I think I'm sounding kind of harsh right now, maybe like I'm calling all nice guys boring or bitter or something. Let me try again. Interest between two people is like a chemical reaction. You put two of the right chemicals together and theres an explosion. Put those same chemicals with something else and nothing will happen. There's nothing wrong with the chemicals, they just react differently with different things. The boring, "nice guy" for one girl can make the right girl see fireworks. The facebook guy who hates being called nice probably has a reason for feeling that way - but I know plenty of girls that had a big thing for him back in the day (including me). Oh, and I don't think he's one of the bitter, entitled feeling guys.
My personal example
My Sophomore year of college I went on a few dates with a guy named Brian. Brian was a sweet guy. Very easy to be around, cooked some great Italian food, and we even had some really nice conversations. But there was no way on earth that I could have ever kissed Brian. He was perfectly attractive. Nothing wrong with Brian, there were just no sparks for me. I did the typical girl thing and tried to use hints to let him down easy, but of course it didn't work. I know, hints never work. But anyways I ultimately . So I took the easy way out and uttered the dreaded words "You're a nice guy, but I'm just not interested." I was just trying to say that he was fine, there just weren't any sparks.
I don't think that's what he heard - in fact based on some of his subsequent facebook status updates I'm pretty sure that he took it another time a good guy was rejected for being too nice. I really did like that he was nice to me, he really was nice to be around. Just no sparks.
A Side Note
I probably should I acknowledge that there is definitely something way sexy about the so-called bad guys. My earliest fictional crush was the teasing Cajun thief Gambit from the X-men Saturday morning cartoons. From there I grew to swoon over the scoundrel Han Solo, Lost's sexy con-artist Sawyer, Buffy's evil yet tenderhearted vampire Spike and oh so many others. I definitely have a bad boy thing.
So what's so great about the bad boys? Well they tend to be confident and exciting. The ideal bad boy is tough on the outside, but once they meet the right woman are all dedicated and loving. They tease, they're fun and challenging. They seem like a lot of fun to have hot, steamy sex with. But lets not forget the drama that always comes with them. It's not healthy, it doesn't make you happy, but its quite exciting.
Zach's not a bad boy, but he's no "nice guy" either. One of the main reasons why I married Zach was because he challenges me. If he thinks I'm full of crap he'll call me on it. We tease each other. It's fun, it's exciting. But he's missing one of the biggest "bad boy qualities": drama. We actually have a functional relationship with talking and everything. He treats me great, way better than any imaginary or real bad boy would. I'm still attracted to the bad boy types, and Zach often makes fun of me when we watch certain shows or movies. But I wouldn't want to be married to them, and I think most girls would agree.
So I suppose there are some girls that go for the flashy, exciting bad boys. But I don't think that this is the majority of what happens. Like I said earlier, bad boys are fun to fantasize about, but most girls really want to be with a guy who makes them happy - a good guy whose nice. They just also want a little excitement and interest and sex appeal. Most guys are exciting and interesting and sexy to several girls, just not all. And not always the ones they want.
The Bottom Line
Girls probably should stop describing guys as "nice guys." It's just never going to come out right. Guys probably should learn that they aren't rejected for they're niceness, for whatever reason that specific girl just isn't interested. Someone else definitely will be.
This is obviously just my opinion. But I'm pretty sure I'm right - at least assuming that what I said made any sense and wasn't too crazy repetitive. Thoughts? Comments?
The things trying to kill me (aka what I've been up too lately)
Oops. I've been trying to update this thing everydayish...but as it's been almost a week and a half that obviously isn't going so well. So what have I been doing all this time?
Law school has been, well more than a little crazy. I feel so out of the loop most of the time. There seem to be all these things that everyone just somehow seems to know, and for the life of me I can't figure out how. Like hunting for summer jobs - I guess everyone started looking in early January, the real go-getters started in December. Silly me though that I should wait for my grades, that this was something that really happened in February. A lot of places have already had their deadlines. I planning on working a lot on that over the weekend and as I'm looking for an unpaid externship I hope it will be slightly less competitive. Hopefully I'll be fine, but I'm not loving the stress.
Fortunately most of my classes are fine. Not property, I really have no idea whats going on there, and the professor doesn't so much teach as wander around terrifying students and building up his own ego (ok, ok I also haven't studied as much for this one as I should). but the rest of them I actually enjoy and maybe even seem to be learning things. I also signed up for tryouts for the mock trial team. I have no idea how its supposed to work, I asked as I was signing up and they told me wonderful information about being divided into teams and what date it takes place on, but nothing on what I actually do at the tryouts. I think this another thing that everyone except me must know. So I'm more than a little nervous. But litigation is still the main type of law I'd like to practice, so at the very least it will be a good learning experience. Who knows, I may even make it.
On an entirely different note, my body keeps trying to kill me. As some of you know I've been dealing with seizures for a little over two years now. Basically every now and again my body tries to electrocute itself, and I end up flailing about and then collapsing. Well, sometimes I collapse first, but you get the idea. Overall they haven't been that bad, but last week? Last week was bad. Wednesday night I had a huge one, and they just kept coming for the next four days. I'm not really even sure what happened during those days - they're just a constant blur of shaking and weakly lying around waiting for the next one. Not the best weekend ever.
I know I should just go to a doctor, but honestly I just don't think they could really do anything. I know that there are some medicines that can help with epilepsy, but there's a huge variety, so it could take a while to find something that works and there's a great chance that they'll really mess me up in other ways that just aren't worth it to me. I'd rather be knocked out for a few hours or even a few days every now and again then constantly be fuzzy headed or otherwise incapacitated. And besides, I'm more than a little scared that the seizures are causes by something terrifying like brain cancer, and I just don't want to deal with it.
So that's pretty much my life right now. Law school sweeps in and tries to terrify me to death, and then my body electrocutes itself in an attempt to finish the job. Oh, and I also do stuff with Zach. And waste time on the internet. But that's pretty much it.
Law school has been, well more than a little crazy. I feel so out of the loop most of the time. There seem to be all these things that everyone just somehow seems to know, and for the life of me I can't figure out how. Like hunting for summer jobs - I guess everyone started looking in early January, the real go-getters started in December. Silly me though that I should wait for my grades, that this was something that really happened in February. A lot of places have already had their deadlines. I planning on working a lot on that over the weekend and as I'm looking for an unpaid externship I hope it will be slightly less competitive. Hopefully I'll be fine, but I'm not loving the stress.
Fortunately most of my classes are fine. Not property, I really have no idea whats going on there, and the professor doesn't so much teach as wander around terrifying students and building up his own ego (ok, ok I also haven't studied as much for this one as I should). but the rest of them I actually enjoy and maybe even seem to be learning things. I also signed up for tryouts for the mock trial team. I have no idea how its supposed to work, I asked as I was signing up and they told me wonderful information about being divided into teams and what date it takes place on, but nothing on what I actually do at the tryouts. I think this another thing that everyone except me must know. So I'm more than a little nervous. But litigation is still the main type of law I'd like to practice, so at the very least it will be a good learning experience. Who knows, I may even make it.
On an entirely different note, my body keeps trying to kill me. As some of you know I've been dealing with seizures for a little over two years now. Basically every now and again my body tries to electrocute itself, and I end up flailing about and then collapsing. Well, sometimes I collapse first, but you get the idea. Overall they haven't been that bad, but last week? Last week was bad. Wednesday night I had a huge one, and they just kept coming for the next four days. I'm not really even sure what happened during those days - they're just a constant blur of shaking and weakly lying around waiting for the next one. Not the best weekend ever.
I know I should just go to a doctor, but honestly I just don't think they could really do anything. I know that there are some medicines that can help with epilepsy, but there's a huge variety, so it could take a while to find something that works and there's a great chance that they'll really mess me up in other ways that just aren't worth it to me. I'd rather be knocked out for a few hours or even a few days every now and again then constantly be fuzzy headed or otherwise incapacitated. And besides, I'm more than a little scared that the seizures are causes by something terrifying like brain cancer, and I just don't want to deal with it.
So that's pretty much my life right now. Law school sweeps in and tries to terrify me to death, and then my body electrocutes itself in an attempt to finish the job. Oh, and I also do stuff with Zach. And waste time on the internet. But that's pretty much it.
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