Women's Day, Suffragettes and Now

So today is International Women's day, and because the internet is awesome, this amazing video went viral. Thank you internet for mixing two of my great loves together in such a great way.



I wasn't prepared for how generally awesome this video would be, and especially not for how surprisingly touching it was.

So when I think of Women's suffrage I think of awesome, but also kind of cute cute Victorian ladies holding town halls gatherings with flag bunting and wearing home embroidered banners and picketing until the men folk finally went oh! You sweet women really are serious about this whole voting thing? Well, ok then. Very sweet and inspiring and oh so very Disney. I forget them being treated like pariahs. I forget them being treated like crazy, unnatural  women. I forget those who were institutionalized. I forget the police breaking  up their marches. I forget the jail. I forget the beatings. I forget the very literal blood sweat and tears and everything they put on the line for all of us.

Sometimes I feel silly for being such a hard-core feminist. Like maybe I am just a little too sensitive to little comments or actions and shouldn't I just know that things are fine now and no one means anything by it? We've come a long way baby and all that jazz. And we have. And I'm grateful.

But in this past month I've seen people talk about how the state should be able to make doctors vaginally penetrate women against their will and at their expense before they can get a legal medical procedure. Apparently employers and the state and everyone else should come first in deciding what happens to a woman's body. I've noticed how many of the voices in these debated have been men, and how few women. And I've seen how ugly and mean in a very gendered way people have reacted to the women who said no to all those things.

And I wonder if for all the very important changes in our laws and our lives that those brave women fought for if maybe we haven't come so far after all, if all the old ideas are still there, if every little thing I'm supposed to think of as nothing because after all things are so good now just makes them more normal. Most of all, I worry that we're getting just that much closer to sliding back, and how willing will people be now to really fight after years of being told to ignore it all.

You are amazing (and wheat)

You are all amazing. You and Google reader, whereby a person can disappear forever, come back and feel all kinds of warm, internet hugs. Blogging is amazing. You are amazing. I could go on some more, but you're all smart people, you get it.

In other news, we've just become the type of people that grind our own wheat. By hand, with this serious old-school, little house on the prairie, metal monster. It's kind of bad ass. 

It's also moderately terrifying. I'm fairly sure that this is all going to lead to denim jumpers and soccer mom hair. At the very least canning. Grinding your only wheat is definitely a gateway drug to canning. I don't care how hip or trendy all this new-agey pretty homemaking stuff is, my soul will always know that this is the dominion of the really intense church ladies I grew up with, just in pretty packaging. Very, very pretty packaging.

I mean, I'm still going to do it. I like how it tastes, I like how cheap it is. I'm all aboard the hippie. And yes, I want my life to be as pretty and healthy and wonderful as pinterest promises it will be. I'm buying into the hippie chic homemaking magic. I just feel really weird about it. 

I'm back! (probably!)

Well now, I just went and dropped off the face of the earth didn't I? I blame the bar for most of it, but let's take a quick look at the rest of it, shall we? To the bullets!

May

• Graduated from law school
• Was excited and proud and happy for about a day
• Packed everything I own and shoved what I could fit into the tiniest U-Haul we could get and moved to Oklahoma.
• Collapsed

June

• Realized I had to take the bar in less than 2 months and freaked out
• Decided briefly that hiding from the bar and pretending it wasn't going to really happen was a sound strategy
• Took a practice test and realized actually studying may be a better strategy
• Studied. A lot.
• Turned 24
• Studied some more

July

• Studied some more
• Swore at myself for not being a better student in law school
• Cried
• Crammed
• Gained 15 lbs
• Took the bar

August

• Decided to pretend that taking the bar never happened and I wasn't actually a lawyer
• Moved into a duplex after a week of learning that painting sucks, but is still better than yellow beige walls that sort of resembled vomit
• Unpacked
• Remembered that I did take the bar, I was a lawyer, and that I like money - ergo I should find a job

September

• Realized that finding a job is really hard
• Zach started his PhD program
• Realized I had no friends here and was now utterly alone 8 hours a day
• Got really depressed
• Found out I passed the bar. Slightly less depressed for a few days.

October

• Made myself get out of bed every single day
• Worked out some days
• Cried some days
• Still depressed and now really embarrassed

November

• Found a job! Huzzah!
• I'm a secretary making less than I did pre-law school. Huzzah?
• Alternatively happy that I have a reason to wake-up and depressed at having wasted 3 years and enough money to buy a house. 
• Still soul crushingly lonely.

December - Now

• Work
• Holidays in Oregon
• More Work
• Trying to figure out how to be less hopeless, depressed and embarrassed

Whee! What a super-fun year. 

On the plus side, I did remember that I started blogging when I was in DC, feeling alone and sad. As embarrassed as I am with what I'm doing with my life, I miss that little bit of human contact and interaction blogging brings. I miss taking the time to sort out my feelings and get it all out there.

Also,  my current working theory is that an addiction to pinterest and somehow being all crafty and designey, and then putting it on the internet is the path to happiness. It may not be the best theory, but there is so much blog based evidence in support of it!

I have no idea how often I'll be back here. I don't know if I'll write emo posts that remind me of my old livejournal, or post sunny pictures of cute things, or be insightful, or funny or just plain dull. I'll probably just be me, that is after all what I'm best at.