Attack of the presumptious, single eating zombies

I generally try very hard to not act like a crazy married person. I avoid saying we when I really mean I (mostly). I've never ever tried to match up any of my single friends, especially not based on the flimsy reasoning that both of them are single and thereby perfect soul mates. I honestly don't think that being married has given me this vast insight into the universe that all you single folk can never understand. I do not use smittens.

However, I do tend to see marriage around every corner for everyone I know. I wish and imagine my friends into marriage. Has someone mentioned a guy more than once in the course of a conversation? Secretly in love, they will confess their feelings to each other and get engaged within a week. Taking a trip with a significant other? This is either a test drive for marriage, or a super special proposal weekend! Bonus points if the trip included meeting the parents. Did someone who I know is in a committed relationship just post something about how happy they were on facebook? Then they must have gotten engaged, and are now acting all coy about it.

Yah, I took almost every facebook status update made by a single person on Valentines Day as a secret message of imminent nuptials. After I realized that I was wishing my baby brother into marriage, I realized that I was acting like a crazy person, and needed to calm the hell down.

I swear, marriage is like a contagious disease or a cult or something. Or possibly becoming a brain eating zombie, forced to roam the world looking to devour the brains of the innocent, and turn them into fellow zombies you can now go on double dates with. It all works out though, married people pay penance by dodging the inquiries of the parents. I don't think anyone directly recruits parents, they just get judged by and compete with other parents over every little thing. People are odd.