Part of One Another

I read somewhere once that even after a baby is born, the Mother  has some of the fetal blood forever mixed with her own, and the child likewise always has part of the mother in them. No matter what happens afterward, they are always a part of each other.

My Mom and I have all that genetic stuff tying us together. We also have years of life and memories, some bitter, some sweet, but all of which have linked us together in a way that I don't always understand, but I can feel and know is real nonetheless.

My mother and I are not kindred spirits. We don't naturally mesh. Sometimes I feel like we are just now starting to really get to know and appreciate who the other person truly is.

But we are a part of one another. And I'm grateful for that.

I can take a hint

I feel a little silly admitting this out loud, but for a sizeable chunk of November I was hit with crazy baby fever. I'm not sure what if it was some sort of hive mind response to seemingly everyone I know having just had a baby or just found out that they're expecting (I swear, there is some sort of baby announcement on my facebook wall everyday, not to mention the people I blog stalk), or if I actually do have some sort of crazy baby, hungry biological clock deal, but oh I wanted one so bad. I was looking at all the adorable nursery things, and thinking about names and cute wittle baby smiles. Even practical Genavee kind of got into the game, and started looking at birth plans, new apartments and what not. It was pretty bad, but I got over it. We have a nice plan that calls for kids in 4-5 years when we have some sort of stability  - little things like jobs and maybe even living in a place with more than one room. Big dreams, I know. But its a good plan for us, and I'm sticking with it.

Now my period is about two weeks late. I'm 99.5% sure that this is nothing. I've peed on a stick and gotten negative results, we are very responsible birth control users, all in all I can't fathom how I could possibly be pregnant. But just the very though of it being possible sends ice cold shivers of fear running down my spine. There is no way we can afford a baby. Our apartment is far to small. My health insurance is a joke. We don't even have a good network of support here in DC that could help us limp along. Not to mention how hard having a baby now would make finishing school, let alone finding a job and paying down student loans. I always know these things. But during these times of fear, I really really know. I'm choosing to interprete this little punctuality problem as the universes way of forcibly reminding me how catastrophic a baby would be right now. I get it Universe - right now baby=bad. Message received. Now if you would be so kind as to give me some peace of mind, I'd greatly appreciate it.

the normalcy of home

My Dad was in DC over the weekend. In many ways I'm shocked by how non-eventful it was. I haven't seen him, or really any of the original family members since Christmas 2008 (Zach and his parents certainly count as family - but they are new family - which is still quite good, its just different. You understand, yes? good. moving on.). I suppose I was expecting that since it had been so long it would be this huge deal, an emotional high and maybe even a little bit stressful and awkward. But instead it just was. We didn't really do anything too terribly exciting over the weekend, as the sun did not shine and it was too wet to play, so we just sat in the house all those cold, cold wet days. We just set an talked, and everything just felt so very normal, like we lived just a few miles away and had decided to spend a few afternoons together. Seeing each other wasn't a big deal, it was just how life was supposed to be

I suppose that's one of the best things with family. Of course all families have there little or not so little dramas, but at the heart of it all being with family is just like coming home - just a natural, normal state of being that feels oh so comfortable and oh so right. This weekend was a wonderful slice of that homey comfortable normalcy, and I loved every minute of it.

Lessons learned

So my in-laws are in town for a couple of days, and Zach and I are busy trying to be good hosts. So far I have learned a few important things...

1. We do not know DC nearly as well as we think we do. Several interesting turns will be made to find a giant museum. We will drive past our turns and then realize that oh of course that was the street we really meant. That cute little sandwich store that I know exactly where it is... uhm apparently my memory may be a little fizy.
2. Wandering around looking for the cute little sandwich shop that is just a block away...hmm, maybe in the other direction...no wait, over there...uhm...lets go ask someone... Yah. That isn't all that fun when people are hungry and hot.
3. Tourists ruin everything. They make long lines, crowded museums and probably somehow make the weather hotter and muggier. (We and any and all relations that come to visit us do not count as tourists of course)
4. Offering use of a car for a "couple of errands" to carless city dwellers who live at the mercy of their feet and public transportation will result in several hours at IKEA and a giant Costco run. I'm sure they enjoyed it?
   
5. We spent most of last week making our apartment absolutely spotless. I drove Zach crazy rearranging things over and over again, and freaking out over teeny tiny details. Only 10 minutes will actually be spent inside said apartment.
6. All in all, I really have good in-laws. Even with things going less than perfect and Zach and I being less than perfectly organized, its still just good to spend time with them. So far we have zero judgmental comments or looks, or subtle criticism or any of the other things that tend to bug people about their in-laws. Just fun stories and conversation and otherwise enjoying each others company. And really, based on all my past interactions with them I expect all those good trends to keep right on going. We still haven't spent a huge amount of time with each other, still definitely in the get to know you stage. But I'm still surprised how overall comfortable I am with them, how much I enjoy spending time with them, how much I care about them. It's like their family.