My Christmas Music-lessness

It is now less than a week before Christmas. I haven't listened to a single Christmas song. Not a one. And I don't miss them, not one little bit. In fact, I'm not really sure I even like most Christmas songs.

I'm sure part of this, like my fear of cannibals, is rooted in my childhood. Most children grow up surrounded by a wide variety of beloved classics. The lone Christmas cassette tape at my home was the Carpenters. We would play that tape on an endless loop from the moment we set the tree up, until the moment we abandoned the tree to scavenging boy scouts. And in the spirit of full disclosure that tape may or may not have made numerous guest appearances throughout the year. I like the Carpenters and all their sweet seventies cheese, I really do. It's not Christmas for me without and the occasional hint of a synthesizer and the special smooth seventies harmonies. I'll lay down Ms. Karen Carpenters "Ave Maria" against anyone else's, any day of the week.  And don't get me started on Sleigh Ride.

Because of this somewhat narrow exposure to Christmas music, I began life predisposed against many of the supposed Christmas classics, or at least without the added sentimental value that so often makes up for quality. For some inexplicable reason, most of the rest of the world doesn't share my love of the Carpenters, so they are largely left out of the annual Holiday rotation*. In turn, I'm none to found of many of you peoples supposed classics. I hate Bing Crosby. I think his songs sound like they were sung by a drunk hobo, his voice bobbing and weaving around in an attempt to find a steady note. I'm always happy when Frost melts. I don't understand why oh so many songs consist of saying the same words over and over again (Feliz Navidad, I'm looking at you). I have never needed only a little Christmas right this very minute, I want the whole Christmas experience and I'm willing to wait for it. You get the idea.

From my Carpenters Christmas capades, my next great exposure to Christmas music came from choir. I actually enjoyed most of those songs, at least at first. Choir tends to avoid most pop music debacles, and goes with some relatively fun or pretty classics. The Hallelujah chorus and carol of the bells are wonderful. But, the quality of the songs sung can ultimately only help so much. As anyone who has ever been even remotely connected to a choir knows, by the time December comes around you have spent several months of you life utterly immersed in the same 3-5 Christmas songs, and by now you hate every note, every syllable, every stanza, with every ounce of your soul. Still, by the time next December had come around, I was generally healed and ready to launch into another session.

However, I think my time as a receptionist at BYU really cemented my malaise towards Christmas Music. You see, for my junior year I had a pretty sweet gig as the morning secretary for BYU catering. The work was mildly interesting, the coworkers were sweet, and I had plenty of time to do homework/meander the internet. I could even have the radio on to provide a bit of pleasant background noise. However, like everything else at BYU, there was a catch. the only station that was approved by the powers that be was a syrupy sweet soft rock station that could not offend the curmudgeony old donors, just those of use with actual taste. It was pleasant to have as background noise, but the standard line up of the same songs every morning was more than a little repetitious.

I would soon come to beg for mercy for such a wide repetoir of musical masterpeices. When Thanksgiving week arrived, soft rock gave way to Christmas songs. Do you know how many Christmas songs are played on the radio? It can't possibly be more than 50. This may be fine for the occasional car trip, where you just get a 15 minute dose of Christmas cheer. But I spent 3 hours, every day, for a month, trapped in a small room with Feliz Navidad** echoing about every 45 minutes. And please, don't even get me started on Christmas Shoes. At first I was able to find respite in some of the less offensive tunes. Every "O Holy Night" from Josh Groban, or similarly inoffensive tune, was a balm on my soul. Or at least it was for about a week, until all the joy and beauty was slowly stripped away from my soul.

Something inside me broke that December.*** Hearing a few tell tale notes spewing out of the radio in November brings back traumatic flashbacks of those dark days, and I just can't bear to be subjected to that again. I suppose I don't really hate most Christmas songs, there are still quite a few I genuinely enjoy. I just don't really have the desire to seek them out. I especially don't want to hear them too much, too soon. I've lost too much Christmas music joy already, I feel the need to protect what little I have left. I'll probably sink into a Christmas Carpenters coma (wow, I'm really abusing alliteration today) in the next few days, but for now I'm enjoying the silence.

* With the notable exception of Merry Christmas Darling, which I didn't like even as a child.

**Yes, this is the second time I'm mentioning this song. I really really hate Feliz Navidad. ***I am being a tad hyperbolic and dramaqueeny. It's a blog, what do you expect- measured restraint?

(Also, I completely stole the whole * footnote thing from Mormon Child Bride, and guiltily feel liek I should give her credit. It's not plagirism if you cite, right? If your just looking for fun, slighly snarky read, you should go there. She is so much better than me. For the readers with an actual personal connection to me, well I suppose your stuck with me. Sorry.)