Civil Unions are of the Devil

No, not for any moral reason. I now loathe civil unions, because while they may be a politicians dream compromise, they are lawyer hell.

We have a huge legal framework for marriage. Huge. I had no idea what a ginormous system I was getting myself into, I was pretty well blinded by love and the promise of sex. But it is absolutely staggering how almost every legal thing has some sort of separate, special box for married folks. Property, taxes, schools, medical, video rentals, pretty much everything you ever have to fill out some sort of a standardized form is affected by that nice little word. 

And civil unions? Great at making you feel good about legal equality without overly scaring the straight folk. really, really bad at a whole host of practical stuff. It's this weird nebulous thing, that is so like a marriage, but because of that stupid little word change, you can't just check the nice neat little marriage box. And don't even get me started about what happens when people dare to move across state lines. Utter chaos.

I'm trying to do a nice, neat, normal legal thing for a client. Something that would be so, so easy if she just had the word marriage attached to her life instead of that stupid Vermont Civil Union. Just one teeny tiny word change, for two things that are supposed to be essentially synonyms would make everything work.

Look, I get that the word marriage has all sorts of nice, cozy meanings for people. But we are also a hugely bureaucratic society and things just do not work when we try to get all fancy and separate. The more and more legal garbage I have to sort through, the more I've begun to abhor how much of our legal system simultaneously tries to support an often inconsistent ideal while trying to also reflect and support reality. Especially in family law. I so wish we could just have a system that recognizes and supports people in how they are already going to live their lives, instead of this schizophrenic mess.

Accepted

Yay! I just found out that I was accepted into the Women and the Law Clinic for next year. I'm quite thrilled, especially as this year they had so many applicants to clinic that they had to turn away 55 people (most years they are able to let everyone in to a clinic, but this year we are all terrified for our future job prospects and desperate for some real experience).

I'm very excited, and only slightly terrified of the reality of it all, especially after paying $120 for malpractice insurance. You guys, I get to go and do real lawyer stuff, for real people. I could completely screw up, ruin their lives and be sued for malpractice, just like a real lawyer! Or, you know, be amazing and use my lawyer powers for good. Either way, I'm still excited.

Ethical Dilemas

Well my professor just plum forgot about the make up class, and showed up on time for regular class, thoroughly embarrassed to walk in and find a room full of irate students. I can't get too upset, everyone makes mistakes. Although, my mistakes have never resulted in 40 people waking up early to waste an hour of their lives.

On the plus side, she did show up in time to teach us why having sex with clients is bad (except in DC, because this town is full of repressed adulterers in suits. Also with the exception of my prof, the ethics committee in DC is all male).

Apparently this issue can "get really big" and sometimes "it gets really hard." And yes, the whole class giggled like awkward middle school students (complete with a few half-whispered "thats what she said"). Ladies and gentleman, the future of America's legal system. Just think, when you have a serious, personal problem, one of these upstanding, mature individuals will be paid huge sums of money to help you. (At least I hope the huge sums of money thing is true. Oh, and I totally laughed. Unintentional innuendo is funny, ok?)

Yes, these are the deep issues discussed in ethics class. We're also not supposed to lie (in certain scenarios) or blackmail clients or steal. Or pay the living expenses of a poor client to keep them going through the case. After all, we have standards.

No, we don't talk about actual ethical dilemmas. We talk about lawyer dilemmas. Real example: Say you're working a case where your medical expert finds that the plaintiff for the opposing side has a brain aneurysm that could kill him without treatment. Their medical counsel missed this. Should you save the kids life and tell him so he can seek treatment or should you keep it a big secret to help the case of your giant insurance corporation client? Save a life or duty to client? Yes, this is supposed to be a difficult dilemma. This is why people don't like lawyers. And why I hate this class.

Classes. Again.

So after almost a month and a half of no classes (3 weeks break, 2.5 weeks finals/reading days) I had to actually get out of bed, and go sit in a class room. I know, I know, the horror of it all.

My first class of the day doesn't start until 11am, which in and of itself would be enough for me to be favorably disposed. The class itself was decent enough to officially go into my plus column. Being a final free class on sex-based discrimination* with a decent focus on somewhat goofy class participation - which can admittedly be a little annoying on  the days you want to just sit back and let a lecture wash over you, but all in all can help make class "fun" should make for an almost pleasant semester. I don't expect major revelations from this class, but I should learn some good stuff and maybe even walk away with a decent grade.

I was already feeling good after the morning, when WCL reached out and gave me a big, fat kiss. First, free food lining the hallway outside of class. Decent free food too, actual turkey wraps, salad, cookies and the like - not a stale pizza in sight. I followed the magic food, and came into a room filled by a booming voice. I had some time to kill, and a lecture seemed like a decent place to spend it - plus the food was being monitored and I didn't want to be yelled at for stealing food meant for the lecture recipients. Best choice ever.

I could only stay for an hour, but I spent that hour listening to a symposium on "Lawyers Fiddle while the Constitution Burns" One hour of colorful rhetoric on the "psychology of imperialism, “congressional impotence (and flaccidness, why use one penis word when you can use two?) and the demise of freedom and democracy as we know it. Complete with arm waving, finger shaking and obligatory references to the fall of Rome. I do love me some political fire and brimstone. I was also fond of the ripping of the "theology" of economics, as indicated by a University of Chicago Law professor starting class by writing justice on the board and informing students that that was the last time that word should be used in class. And being in DC, no lecture is complete without namedropping and mentions to the speakers stint at the White House. And that was the conservative guy. There was also a healthy bit of the more mellow Ralph Nader. I love that at my school I can just follow food and find Ralph Nader.

                                                                                                        

But as soon as it began the magic of the moment was gone, and I found myself whisked away to Wills, Trusts, and Estates, where I found myself frantically transcribing the words of a mad woman operating under the delusion that her class is "easy". I really hate professors who think their class is easy. Sure, you do anything for 50 years and it seems easy. Normally I expect this crap from law school, but it had been so nice to me this morning, that I just wasn’t prepared with my best mental ninja skills** Oh law school, I don't think I'm quite ready to let you yank around my tender heart like that so soon after break. Unfortunately, I don't think it really cares.

*Because I apparently want to use my $180,000 degree to go into the oh so profitable field of feminism?

** My mental ninja skills consist primarily of the ability to stay awake in dull situations, type quickly while simultaneously checking facebook, tease out the important bits of info from an entirely monotone lecture and avoid eye contact when professors scan the room for "volunteers"