Name Change

When we were engaged we had so many, many discussions about what to do about our names - our last names. Names mean something, its part of your identity. I don't care what other people do for their name, but I do feel like when someone calls your name, it should feel like you. I wanted something that felt like us.

The idea of just chopping off my last name felt like throwing a piece of me in the trash. Zach was very understanding, but he had always just assumed that someday he would fall in love, get married and start the lovely HisBachelorName family with Mrs. HisBachelorName. And while he listened and didn't want me to do anything I didn't want, it was still a little hard for him to let that go.

So, we played with possibilities for hours. We didn't like not having the same name. It felt too much like acting like nothing big had happened, like we weren't together as family. Moving my last name to a second middle name felt like a lame compromise token move. Him adding it as a middle name too felt a little better, but not much. Our families meant to much for us to just create a new smooshed together name, plus all the possibilities felt ridiculous.

Even though it wasn't fun at the time, I look back on all those discussions fondly. It was one of our first big things we had to figure out together, and there we were trying to find what was right for us, our family, listening and respecting and working together. I love our name if only for that alone. We finally decided that we both would change our name and become MyLastName-HisLastName. Why? Well, partially because HisLastName-MyLastName sounded like a law firm, not a name. But mostly because it felt most like us, like our family. It's a bit silly, but to me it felt like neither of us were loosing part of who we were, just adding on the other person to ourselves.

After all that, almost immediately after getting married I changed my name on facebook. And no where else. Sure, our name had some wonderful meaning to me, but I'm really lazy. There wasn't any immediate need to get things in order. So I didn't. For over 2 years that was just fine. Until it suddenly wasn't and I needed new ID, with my new name, right away or else.

So, yesterday I finally went down to the Social Security Office and the DMV and got everything squared away. Word of advice? Don't ever wait more than 2 years. Things expire. As in, after two years you need all sorts of other proof of your name change besides just the marriage certificate. Proof you don't have because clearly if you had that it would mean you had done all the name change stuff and thus didn't need to be doing it now. I honestly think they let me squeak by very much against regulations because they just weren't sure what to do with me and my sad pile of all the ID I could muster (birth certificate, blood donor card, lease agreement, anything and everything). 5 hours, far too many lines, 2 offices latter and there I was, new ID, new name and all.

My new ID photo looks like a serial killer mugshot. But my new name, oh my name makes me so happy. For as long as I put it off and as hesitant as I was to change anything when we started those talks years ago, I was half expecting to feel some sense of loss or sadness. But it just felt like me, only better.