All by myself

Zach's interning at a Congressman's office this semester. Which is kind of cool. Good experience, good networking, all sorts of good. It's exactly the kind of thing me, the person who has been pushing him to just try something in the real world outside of academia just in case round two of Ph.D. apps this year doesn't go well, should be thrilled about.

And I was. Until I came home from class today. And he wasn't home. Unlike most days he did not plug my laptop in for me while I unpacked. We did not discuss our days before settling in for the evening. He did not excitedly show me the cool thing he had read, or show off the sparkling floors he mopped. He didn't do anything because he was out being ambitious and responsible and not being home with me.

I almost burst into tears on the spot. It's funny (ha) last semester and this summer I was going slightly mad because I felt like I never had alone time. Now between him being gone until 7:30pm days he has his internship and 10:00pm the nights he has class, I just miss him. I kept looking up to say something, and he wasn't there to hear it. I wore a really cute outfit today, and was excited for him to see it when he got home. I stayed in it, uncomfortable though it became for 2 hours because even though I knew when he would be back, it still felt like he should be home now.

When he did come home it took all my self control to let him have a few minutes to decompress, because all I wanted to do was tell him every single detail of my day and hear every last bit of his. Well, what I really wanted to do was curl up in his lap and cry until he promised to quit. Because I'm only somewhat selfish, and do recognize that this is a good thing, I only did the curl up and cry thing - but I tried very hard not to.

I'm very ashamed of myself. We are not a clingy must be together all the time couple. We did long distance for eight months while dating and were just fine. I don't know where this crazy person is coming from. I thought that I wanted this student phase to be over and done with, to start being real adults with jobs and 401(k)s. And now I have a little taste of that (minus the awesome getting money part) and it sucks. It's really nothing. Nowhere near real life. But hell if I just don't like it.