The Stage!

Every now and again when I things aren't going the best and I doubt my spur of the moment law school decision, I come up with crazy alternate careers. Most of these are ridiculous, like being a kindergarten teacher or an astronaut - things I don't really even want to really do, but at that moment I just like the idea of getting to play with glitter or float around and conveniently forget my child anxiety or scientific ineptitude.

But the one imaginary career I just can't quite let go of is acting. I loved drama, ever since I was a little kid. I love delving into a character, getting close with a cast, and there just isn't any greater rush than performing. I really, really loved it. But while I still like to think of myself as halfway decent, I don't think I ever seriously though of really pursuing. As BYU has such a competitive program, and poli sci was generally fun and interesting and intellectual, once I hit college I pretty much dropped drama out of my life.

By and large its not something I really think about, but recently it popped up again in my head. See, I'm a fairly decent writer (in school anyways, I'll let you judge the blog) , even with all the crazy new legal rules. I just seem to be able to really get into a certain perspective for how the paper should be written, and it just flows, like its not really me writing. For my current research paper, I have to do an appellate brief for a drug case. Its actually fun slipping into the mold of a hardened state attorney, doing all she can to keep the city safe, continually frustrated with scum getting set free on little technicalities. Maybe her sister was taken advantage of by a drug pusher. It's not really my views, but once I click with the right perspective it just flows. It's kind of fun. Really, I think my academic writing is just me acting again, slipping on a character and running with it. And it feels so much more real, more natural, than anything else I'm doing here.

Hey, its great that I can take a bit from what I love doing and use it for what I'm actually doing, but once I realized that I was filled with theater longing once again. I know really pursuing drama would have been wholly impractical, I doubt that I'm really that good, and even if I my delusions were accurate its still an insanely tough business. And I really love so many of the more poli sci things I've gotten to do, I would miss that part of me if I hadn't followed it. Granted, there is some excellent community theater in the world, that maybe I'll get to pursue someday, but for now I doubt I'll ever really get to do it again.

Even knowing that there is a one in a million chance I could have ever done anything real with it, let alone an actual career, and even knowing so many of the good things I might have missed out on, there are still so many times when I just ache for one more good show.