So today is International Women's day, and because the internet is awesome, this amazing video went viral. Thank you internet for mixing two of my great loves together in such a great way.
I wasn't prepared for how generally awesome this video would be, and especially not for how surprisingly touching it was.
So when I think of Women's suffrage I think of awesome, but also kind of cute cute Victorian ladies holding town halls gatherings with flag bunting and wearing home embroidered banners and picketing until the men folk finally went oh! You sweet women really are serious about this whole voting thing? Well, ok then. Very sweet and inspiring and oh so very Disney. I forget them being treated like pariahs. I forget them being treated like crazy, unnatural women. I forget those who were institutionalized. I forget the police breaking up their marches. I forget the jail. I forget the beatings. I forget the very literal blood sweat and tears and everything they put on the line for all of us.
Sometimes I feel silly for being such a hard-core feminist. Like maybe I am just a little too sensitive to little comments or actions and shouldn't I just know that things are fine now and no one means anything by it? We've come a long way baby and all that jazz. And we have. And I'm grateful.
But in this past month I've seen people talk about how the state should be able to make doctors vaginally penetrate women against their will and at their expense before they can get a legal medical procedure. Apparently employers and the state and everyone else should come first in deciding what happens to a woman's body. I've noticed how many of the voices in these debated have been men, and how few women. And I've seen how ugly and mean in a very gendered way people have reacted to the women who said no to all those things.
And I wonder if for all the very important changes in our laws and our lives that those brave women fought for if maybe we haven't come so far after all, if all the old ideas are still there, if every little thing I'm supposed to think of as nothing because after all things are so good now just makes them more normal. Most of all, I worry that we're getting just that much closer to sliding back, and how willing will people be now to really fight after years of being told to ignore it all.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
You are amazing (and wheat)
You are all amazing. You and Google reader, whereby a person can disappear forever, come back and feel all kinds of warm, internet hugs. Blogging is amazing. You are amazing. I could go on some more, but you're all smart people, you get it.
In other news, we've just become the type of people that grind our own wheat. By hand, with this serious old-school, little house on the prairie, metal monster. It's kind of bad ass.
It's also moderately terrifying. I'm fairly sure that this is all going to lead to denim jumpers and soccer mom hair. At the very least canning. Grinding your only wheat is definitely a gateway drug to canning. I don't care how hip or trendy all this new-agey pretty homemaking stuff is, my soul will always know that this is the dominion of the really intense church ladies I grew up with, just in pretty packaging. Very, very pretty packaging.
I mean, I'm still going to do it. I like how it tastes, I like how cheap it is. I'm all aboard the hippie. And yes, I want my life to be as pretty and healthy and wonderful as pinterest promises it will be. I'm buying into the hippie chic homemaking magic. I just feel really weird about it.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
I'm back! (probably!)
Well now, I just went and dropped off the face of the earth didn't I? I blame the bar for most of it, but let's take a quick look at the rest of it, shall we? To the bullets!
May
May
- Graduated from law school
- Was excited and proud and happy for about a day
- Packed everything I own and shoved what I could fit into the tiniest U-Haul we could get and moved to Oklahoma.
- Collapsed
June
- Realized I had to take the bar in less than 2 months and freaked out
- Decided briefly that hiding from the bar and pretending it wasn't going to really happen was a sound strategy
- Took a practice test and realized actually studying may be a better strategy
- Studied. A lot.
- Turned 24
- Studied some more
July
- Studied some more
- Swore at myself for not being a better student in law school
- Cried
- Crammed
- Gained 15 lbs
- Took the bar
August
- Decided to pretend that taking the bar never happened and I wasn't actually a lawyer
- Moved into a duplex after a week of learning that painting sucks, but is still better than yellow beige walls that sort of resembled vomit
- Unpacked
- Remembered that I did take the bar, I was a lawyer, and that I like money - ergo I should find a job
September
- Realized that finding a job is really hard
- Zach started his PhD program
- Realized I had no friends here and was now utterly alone 8 hours a day
- Got really depressed
- Found out I passed the bar. Slightly less depressed for a few days.
October
- Made myself get out of bed every single day
- Worked out some days
- Cried some days
- Still depressed and now really embarrassed
November
- Found a job! Huzzah!
- I'm a secretary making less than I did pre-law school. Huzzah?
- Alternatively happy that I have a reason to wake-up and depressed at having wasted 3 years and enough money to buy a house.
- Still soul crushingly lonely.
December - Now
- Work
- Holidays in Oregon
- More Work
- Trying to figure out how to be less hopeless, depressed and embarrassed
Whee! What a super-fun year.
On the plus side, I did remember that I started blogging when I was in DC, feeling alone and sad. As embarrassed as I am with what I'm doing with my life, I miss that little bit of human contact and interaction blogging brings. I miss taking the time to sort out my feelings and get it all out there.
Also, my current working theory is that an addiction to pinterest and somehow being all crafty and designey, and then putting it on the internet is the path to happiness. It may not be the best theory, but there is so much blog based evidence in support of it!
I have no idea how often I'll be back here. I don't know if I'll write emo posts that remind me of my old livejournal, or post sunny pictures of cute things, or be insightful, or funny or just plain dull. I'll probably just be me, that is after all what I'm best at.
Also, my current working theory is that an addiction to pinterest and somehow being all crafty and designey, and then putting it on the internet is the path to happiness. It may not be the best theory, but there is so much blog based evidence in support of it!
I have no idea how often I'll be back here. I don't know if I'll write emo posts that remind me of my old livejournal, or post sunny pictures of cute things, or be insightful, or funny or just plain dull. I'll probably just be me, that is after all what I'm best at.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
No Biggie
Well, hello again. Since the last time I posted I've:
- Finished Finals and final hearings. So I could..
- Graduate from law school
- Done the DC tourist blitz with my family
- Done the DC favorite thing blitz with my Zach
- Packed up every last little thing I own, stuck it in a truck and drove for 24+ hours, unpacked it and crammed it into a little bedroom and a big closet in Zach's parents house in Oklahoma.
- Started studying for the bar
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Oklahoma :( Edition
Thanks for all of your support and well wishes! It kind of makes me feel bad to go on complaining about Oklahoma, but if I can't discuss my fears/complaints on my blog, what's the point?
I didn't use to have strong feelings about Oklahoma. And then I met Zach. Zach moved to Oklahoma in the middle of High School and hates that place like only an irrational teenager yanked away from all his friends and home can. He took summer school classes to graduate a year early so he could get out of dodge, and even almost 10 years latter I don't think he's quite forgiven the entire state. For years we would make jokes about Oklahoma. It's not really an actual place to me, just where hopes and dreams go to die in a flat pile of dirt and football.
And now we're going back. And I'm very nervous? apprehensive?
The easiest and most vaguely concrete thing to grumble about is all the things that aren't there that I've gotten spoiled by in DC. It's really nice being able to just go, eh, I'm bored, lets go to a free museum or walk around and look at giant monuments or pretty houses or explore a new neighborhood or any one of the million easily accessible things here. Oklahoma has a cowboy museum. I've heard it's ok.
Not just fun things, but even stores that I think of as being normal, or have enjoyed window shopping in. I like meandering around Filene's Basement or Anthropologie if I'm feeling fancy and picking up produce from Whole Foods. Oklahoma doesn't even have Costco.
However, while we certainly can do all those fun things here, most of the time we are boring homebodies. Most of the time I browse the internet. We can probably do that in Oklahoma.
I'm also a little concerned about being so close to his family. We'll be living with his parents this summer, and will probably stay in the same town, as that's where the University is. I genuinely like Zach's parents. They're not only good people, but they make a real effort to be good parents and good in-laws. I know that they try to be supportive and loving and not controlling at all.
I'm still nervous. I don't quite know how things are supposed to be living so close to family as a married couple. And while they aren't pushy, they are people, and they do have opinions. Mostly, I worry about how this will change the dynamic of our relationship. I worry about Zach changing or reverting, or us being pulled in different directions, or some sort of subtle 3 against 1. I know that they are my family too, but it mostly feels like my family is mine, Zach's is his, and we're a whole new and separate thing. That's pretty much how things have worked long distance, and I just don't know how things will work all in one place and I'm not looking forward to a baptism by fire of moving into one house right away.
Family fears are just one part of my general, overarching screaming panic. I'm afraid that we just won't fit. I understand things here. We have a routine and a life and it's the only one I've really known since being married and I like it. And I feel like that's all going away all at once.
I worry about me being able to find a job. I worry about finding friends, or always feeling like weird outsiders. I worry about us and our lives and every little thing just not fitting, because nothing about how I think of Oklahoma feels remotely like me or like home. I've always lived in someplace that had something familiar. I grew up in Oregon, so the whole NW feels like part of my soul. Utah was odd, but having grown up Mormon it was just a super-sized version of the Church culture I already knew. DC was different, but I had already tried it for a safety run when I did a semester internship in undergrad.
Nothing about Oklahoma feels that way. It is a Red Cowboy Football Oil Rural Southern/vaguely Texan fly-over state, and I'm a super liberal coastal elitist snob. I'm not so sure I beleive in great big American culture wars, but if I did me and my stereotyped version of Oklahoma would be on opposite sides of the spectrum.
It's not the different I'm afraid of, it's the idea that we'll never fit and this will never feel like home. I don't want to spend 3-5 years as a fish out of water, gasping for air.
I'm sure it will be fine. Awkward at first, but then things will slide into place and by the time we're ready to move, I'll be writing another post about how I can't stand the thought of leaving my home. It's just that right now I can't imagine how that could possibly happen.
I didn't use to have strong feelings about Oklahoma. And then I met Zach. Zach moved to Oklahoma in the middle of High School and hates that place like only an irrational teenager yanked away from all his friends and home can. He took summer school classes to graduate a year early so he could get out of dodge, and even almost 10 years latter I don't think he's quite forgiven the entire state. For years we would make jokes about Oklahoma. It's not really an actual place to me, just where hopes and dreams go to die in a flat pile of dirt and football.
And now we're going back. And I'm very nervous? apprehensive?
The easiest and most vaguely concrete thing to grumble about is all the things that aren't there that I've gotten spoiled by in DC. It's really nice being able to just go, eh, I'm bored, lets go to a free museum or walk around and look at giant monuments or pretty houses or explore a new neighborhood or any one of the million easily accessible things here. Oklahoma has a cowboy museum. I've heard it's ok.
Not just fun things, but even stores that I think of as being normal, or have enjoyed window shopping in. I like meandering around Filene's Basement or Anthropologie if I'm feeling fancy and picking up produce from Whole Foods. Oklahoma doesn't even have Costco.
However, while we certainly can do all those fun things here, most of the time we are boring homebodies. Most of the time I browse the internet. We can probably do that in Oklahoma.
I'm also a little concerned about being so close to his family. We'll be living with his parents this summer, and will probably stay in the same town, as that's where the University is. I genuinely like Zach's parents. They're not only good people, but they make a real effort to be good parents and good in-laws. I know that they try to be supportive and loving and not controlling at all.
I'm still nervous. I don't quite know how things are supposed to be living so close to family as a married couple. And while they aren't pushy, they are people, and they do have opinions. Mostly, I worry about how this will change the dynamic of our relationship. I worry about Zach changing or reverting, or us being pulled in different directions, or some sort of subtle 3 against 1. I know that they are my family too, but it mostly feels like my family is mine, Zach's is his, and we're a whole new and separate thing. That's pretty much how things have worked long distance, and I just don't know how things will work all in one place and I'm not looking forward to a baptism by fire of moving into one house right away.
Family fears are just one part of my general, overarching screaming panic. I'm afraid that we just won't fit. I understand things here. We have a routine and a life and it's the only one I've really known since being married and I like it. And I feel like that's all going away all at once.
I worry about me being able to find a job. I worry about finding friends, or always feeling like weird outsiders. I worry about us and our lives and every little thing just not fitting, because nothing about how I think of Oklahoma feels remotely like me or like home. I've always lived in someplace that had something familiar. I grew up in Oregon, so the whole NW feels like part of my soul. Utah was odd, but having grown up Mormon it was just a super-sized version of the Church culture I already knew. DC was different, but I had already tried it for a safety run when I did a semester internship in undergrad.
Nothing about Oklahoma feels that way. It is a Red Cowboy Football Oil Rural Southern/vaguely Texan fly-over state, and I'm a super liberal coastal elitist snob. I'm not so sure I beleive in great big American culture wars, but if I did me and my stereotyped version of Oklahoma would be on opposite sides of the spectrum.
It's not the different I'm afraid of, it's the idea that we'll never fit and this will never feel like home. I don't want to spend 3-5 years as a fish out of water, gasping for air.
I'm sure it will be fine. Awkward at first, but then things will slide into place and by the time we're ready to move, I'll be writing another post about how I can't stand the thought of leaving my home. It's just that right now I can't imagine how that could possibly happen.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Almost Done (again)
I'm almost done! Of course, I felt like I was almost done when classes were over. And after I finished my last formal final. And yet again when I turned in my last paper. And I still have a hearing and plenty of other clinic goodies/stress. But I'd still rather think of myself as almost done. Huzzah.
And that's a pure huzzah, without a trace of nostalgia or sadness over the end of an era.
I am not going to miss law school one bit. DC, yes. People I met in law school, yes. The actual law school stuff? Not so much. Maybe I'm just old and cranky, or maybe law school just wasn't a good choice for me, but I am so over compulsorily learning for the sake of learning. From now on if I'm going to study something, I want it to either be because I'm genuinely interested and excited, or because it has some sort of direct, practical application (preferably a cash-earning practical application, because apparently that free money that paid my tuition and rent for the past 3 years wasn't as free as it felt). Reading a long article on a subject I don't care about for a class I'm only in because it fit in my schedule and seemed marginally better than other options, but will probably never use for legal practice or the bar or even trivia games, oh please never again. Yes, I haven't forgotten about bar prep, but that falls under practical money making exception. Because in theory, that will help get me a job.
Oh, and speaking of bar prep, have I complained yet about how no one does bar prep for Oklahoma, because Oklahoma is a wasteland where no one takes the bar? Because it is, and no one does. Well, except barbri. But I really don't want to pay 3k for a fancy bar prep course where I wouldn't even be able to attend the in person classes due to transport issues. So I'm sort of hoping I can locate used materials or cobble something together. On the plus side, something like 90% of people pass to OK bar, at least since 2002 when a huge percentage failed, and since then I think they've overcompensated. So I'm not as worried as I probably should be. Besides, that's future me's problem. And present me should probably go be worried about hearing prep now anyways. Or finally write that why Oklahoma gives me sad, nervous face post I keep talking about. Definitely one of the two.
And that's a pure huzzah, without a trace of nostalgia or sadness over the end of an era.
I am not going to miss law school one bit. DC, yes. People I met in law school, yes. The actual law school stuff? Not so much. Maybe I'm just old and cranky, or maybe law school just wasn't a good choice for me, but I am so over compulsorily learning for the sake of learning. From now on if I'm going to study something, I want it to either be because I'm genuinely interested and excited, or because it has some sort of direct, practical application (preferably a cash-earning practical application, because apparently that free money that paid my tuition and rent for the past 3 years wasn't as free as it felt). Reading a long article on a subject I don't care about for a class I'm only in because it fit in my schedule and seemed marginally better than other options, but will probably never use for legal practice or the bar or even trivia games, oh please never again. Yes, I haven't forgotten about bar prep, but that falls under practical money making exception. Because in theory, that will help get me a job.
Oh, and speaking of bar prep, have I complained yet about how no one does bar prep for Oklahoma, because Oklahoma is a wasteland where no one takes the bar? Because it is, and no one does. Well, except barbri. But I really don't want to pay 3k for a fancy bar prep course where I wouldn't even be able to attend the in person classes due to transport issues. So I'm sort of hoping I can locate used materials or cobble something together. On the plus side, something like 90% of people pass to OK bar, at least since 2002 when a huge percentage failed, and since then I think they've overcompensated. So I'm not as worried as I probably should be. Besides, that's future me's problem. And present me should probably go be worried about hearing prep now anyways. Or finally write that why Oklahoma gives me sad, nervous face post I keep talking about. Definitely one of the two.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Oklahoma - In with the good
So back to that whole moving to Oklahoma thing. Have I mentioned that I have mixed feelings about that? Because I do. I so do. In an effort to not sound like a complete and total whiner, I'll start with the good. Which is pretty good, but as I said, complicated, mixed feelings.
The biggest and bestest part of Oklahoma is that Zach was accepted into the Political Science Ph.D. program! Horray! Very, very good and happy news. And he has decent odds of getting full funding (tuition, 1k a month stipend, oh yah, baby, we're living large). Also fantastic.
It's a decent program, but more importantly it means that Zach does not have to give up on his dream, that he gets to move forward on to hopefully awesome things.
The second best part is that Zach's parents live there. Fortunately, Zach loves his parents. I like them quite well, and am moving closer to the love. It will be nice for everyone to get to know each other better. And I do kind of mean everyone. Zach and his family are close, but anytime people have lived so far apart for so long, that can't help but change things.
Also, it will be really, really nice to have a support network. There have been a few times out here where I've realized that if something was wrong, something beyond what Zach and I could handle, we don't really have anyone we could call. Which is entirely our own fault and the natural result of a hermit lifestyle and subpar interpersonal skills. Still, the idea that we could call people to help us move furniture or pick up some pepto-bismal in an emergency is going to be fantastic. And if they need us, it will be nice to be right there and able to do something.
Compared to DC, we will be able to live like Kings. The cost of living is crazy inexpensive. It's become my new hobby to look of real estate in the university town we'll be relocating to. I've found cute little houses that we could buy for less than I spent on law school tuition in a year. More realistically, I've found several lovely little houses and duplex that we could rent for 1/3 of what we currently spend. Twice the room for 1/3 the cost sounds heavenly. Ooo, and we could even paint! Or enjoy such luxuries as multiple rooms. Ah, the indulgence.
Really, it would be tight, but with Zach's stipend we could probably cover our bare living expenses. And that's nice.
And uh, those are the only 3 good things I can think of. Which leads me to the things I'm not crazy about post...
The biggest and bestest part of Oklahoma is that Zach was accepted into the Political Science Ph.D. program! Horray! Very, very good and happy news. And he has decent odds of getting full funding (tuition, 1k a month stipend, oh yah, baby, we're living large). Also fantastic.
It's a decent program, but more importantly it means that Zach does not have to give up on his dream, that he gets to move forward on to hopefully awesome things.
The second best part is that Zach's parents live there. Fortunately, Zach loves his parents. I like them quite well, and am moving closer to the love. It will be nice for everyone to get to know each other better. And I do kind of mean everyone. Zach and his family are close, but anytime people have lived so far apart for so long, that can't help but change things.
Also, it will be really, really nice to have a support network. There have been a few times out here where I've realized that if something was wrong, something beyond what Zach and I could handle, we don't really have anyone we could call. Which is entirely our own fault and the natural result of a hermit lifestyle and subpar interpersonal skills. Still, the idea that we could call people to help us move furniture or pick up some pepto-bismal in an emergency is going to be fantastic. And if they need us, it will be nice to be right there and able to do something.
Compared to DC, we will be able to live like Kings. The cost of living is crazy inexpensive. It's become my new hobby to look of real estate in the university town we'll be relocating to. I've found cute little houses that we could buy for less than I spent on law school tuition in a year. More realistically, I've found several lovely little houses and duplex that we could rent for 1/3 of what we currently spend. Twice the room for 1/3 the cost sounds heavenly. Ooo, and we could even paint! Or enjoy such luxuries as multiple rooms. Ah, the indulgence.
Really, it would be tight, but with Zach's stipend we could probably cover our bare living expenses. And that's nice.
And uh, those are the only 3 good things I can think of. Which leads me to the things I'm not crazy about post...
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